Prioritizing Yourself

There’s this idea to stop caring what others think of you. To just be you with all your quirks and opinions, and to not think about how others might view or judge you.

And I tried this for ages. “Let go”. “It doesn’t matter what they think”.

But I never quite got the hang of it. I couldn’t just turn off my thoughts. I couldn’t stop replaying memories with alternate endings. Or fantasizing scenarios where I came out as perfect, clever and charming. I couldn’t stop thinking about what others thought.

And in doing this, I was giving others power. My power.

So much energy was focused on what other people thought that I didn’t give much attention to what I actually thought.

Other people were the ones who had it all together, after all. They were right. Their opinions were the ones that mattered. Others were the authority, whose rules I should live by. Why? I didn’t know. It’s just the way it was.

But actually, why?

Was every single other person in the world actually an authority figure over me, whose thoughts and opinions were more valid than my own or was this a core belief that was so ingrained in my mind that I accepted it as fact?

I didn’t know, but I knew the way I was living was leading to overwhelming anxiety. I wasn’t happy. I was living my life for other people with my self worth shattering when it didn’t get validation or an intended response from someone. I was a leaf in the wind, not knowing who I was. I couldn’t find the line between what I did for myself or for others; between my values and theirs.

I was in a constant state of high alert. Totally preoccupied with others. Judgements that weren’t even uttered ran rampant in my mind.

Then I decided to take my energy back.

To do something for me that was against the expectations of others. I started small. I always felt expected to dress well at family functions, regardless of whether it was Christmas dinner or a casual lunch. My image and worth to others was tied in this. So I rebelled. I purposely dressed down. Old clothes, no makeup. I prioritized how I wanted to dress, how I wanted to feel, over how others wanted to see me. It’s not that I blocked out their opinions, but I figured out what my own option was and decided to live according to that one.

I prioritized myself.

And I realized my world did not crumble. I did not crumble. I could do something contrary to what others expected and I would still be ok.

This simple, simple decision was so powerful for me. It gave me the courage to start prioritizing myself in other areas of life.

The concept of not caring about others’ opinions vs prioritizing ourselves can lead to the same action, but the energy behind them is different. It’s shifting our attention from others to ourselves. It’s a mindset, an intention. And while that may seem small, to me it made all the difference.

So what can you do today - and this week - that prioritizes yourself?